No matter how long it’d been since I last saw her, or how far apart we were, we were always close. We never worried about the other person not being able to be there, or if the other person were unavailable for a time—we always came together in the end. Even after month long vacations in the Philippines, two week vacations in faraway places, and regardless of our busy schedules—it was just always known that we’d be in each other’s lives no matter what. “Eh, I don’t have to worry about you; I know you’ll always be there,” was once said to each other, I think when we were around fourteen years old. And since that time, I felt it in my heart that it was true, so I never had to worry about us.
However, I remember on this particular New Years’ Eve, that I was trying to get a hold of her but was unable to, no matter how hard I tried. I think I must have paged and called her a dozen times trying to talk to her and hang out or just even to wish her a Happy New Years. I think I even drove around places hoping to bump into her—visiting her house that normally had at least one person, but was now dark inside. I literally had zero luck in locating a glimpse of her and I was extremely disappointed that night and had thoughts of her when that midnight bell rang.
The next day, I finally got a hold of her and told her of my unusual predicament the night before and she replied, “I was looking for you too!” She continued to say she tried getting a hold of me the night before, but she was just as unlucky as I was. Like me, she also thought of me at midnight which gave me some comfort at the moment. She actually was at a St. Anne’s soup dinner where I didn’t even think of checking at all which infuriated me because I should have known. I’m not sure why we were anxious to try and find each other so badly. Maybe it was because we finally couldn’t get a hold of each other that we were desperate to try. I think we must have been around 16 years old at this time.
She once told me that how you spend New Years’ Eve will be how you’ll spend the rest of the New Year. I cringe when I think of that because of that particular night and I don’t want to live the rest of my life searching (because I took what she said a step further than just one year; I’m dramatic like that I guess). Always missing each other—and always looking for each other. I still look for her, in my dreams and think of her constantly when I see turtles or hear Janet Jackson for some reason. I wonder if she’s somewhere out there looking for me still—or if she knows and is just waiting for me to find her. Wherever she is though, that feeling of closeness is still there and I know she’s not very far at all. Like always though, I’ll be thinking of her at midnight, this coming New Years’ Eve.
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