thoughts of togetherness

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

Happy 35th Birthday Cindy!

Every year on Cindy's birthday, our family always makes sure to take some extra time during the day to celebrate in her honor. Previous birthday blog entries have shared the numerous ways - both big and small, that we commemorate this special day.

This year, it turned out that we were lucky enough to share part of the day with the majority of our large extended family on the Rabuy side - more than 50 cousins, aunts and uncles. We all came together for dinner to celebrate the wedding of our cousin Raisl, and her new husband Paul.  

Although Cindy often had mixed feelings about her birthday being close to Christmas, I think that today she is smiling down from heaven, and is more than happy to share this date with Raisl and Paul. Their wedding is an additional reason to celebrate, and today was a wonderful opportunity for an even greater number of our family members to be together.

Congratulations and best wishes to Raisl and Paul. Your wedding is another reminder to be joyful on this date. I'm confident that Cindy is excited that you've added even more reason for all of us to come together and celebrate today.

thoughts of altar serving sisters

shared by VJ Rabuy, her sister

Cindy and I had quite impressive resumes as altar servers. We used to be regular servers at the eight o'clock mass, the earliest mass on Sunday. We once served for the midnight mass on Christmas Eve, only to turn around and serve the first mass on Christmas Day.

We were even able to serve at other churches, when we served at our cousin Nicole's wedding. I remember we even brought our own serving albs with us.

I wasn't too keen on the idea of altar serving at first. It was Cindy who turned me on to it, and let me see how cool it was to be able to take part in the mass. I have fond memories of serving with Cindy, as well as my cousins.

thoughts of warm hugs

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

Cindy was great at giving hugs. During one of her memorial services, her friend Rod talked about how the quality of her hugs was one of Cindy's special traits. I often think back to Rod's "hug eulogy" with much fondness and appreciation.

Something that our daughter Ava has been doing lately reminded me of Cindy's hugs, and how important a hug can be. A few months ago, Ava started saying, "My hugs are getting low," as a way of letting us know that she wanted a hug. So naturally, we would respond by giving her a good, long hug.

Ava, like her Tita Cyn, is really good at giving hugs. Just this evening while we were eating dinner, there was a moment when she became quiet and looked a little sad. When I asked if she was OK or if she needed something, she paused for a second, took a breath, glanced downward, and quietly said, "My hugs are getting low."

So I told her, "Well, let's fix that," and we shared a nice, long, warm hug.

thoughts of oatmeal cookies

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

Today our family went to an end of the season party for Cyn Cyn's softball team. As we walked into the home of the family who so graciously hosted the party, there were yummy scents coming from the kitchen.

I soon discovered that they were baking cookies. At the time, I thought they were oatmeal raisin cookies, but I later discovered that they were oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. As I snacked on more than my share of cookies throughout the afternoon, I couldn't stop thinking of Cindy.

She enjoyed baking, and I have several memories of the times when she made oatmeal raisin cookies from scratch. Oatmeal raisin cookies always remind me of Cyn. Although I've recently come to realize that I enjoy oatmeal chocolate chip cookies just a little bit more. I don't think Cindy would mind.

thoughts of a yellow sponge

shared by Joshua Chow, her childhood friend and neighbor

This entry has been written and re-written until the point where the blinking cursor was the only thing on the page. I have stories of Cyn from helping me to plan for college, to rollerblading around Falcon with VJ and Nanook, or talking to her on the phone instead when she was really calling for my brother. Those will eventually be written, but my first thought of Cyn will be about the last time I saw her and a little yellow sponge.

It was the summer of '02 before I graduated from Kennedy and I was in my driveway just starting to wash my car. It's June, it's hot, I have no shirt on and the radio is bumpin' some wise words being quoted by 2pac. On that evening, the California sun was setting an amazing hue of an orange-purple haze and from around the corner I hear a "oh holla!"

In all honesty I got giddy because I recognized this voice that I hadn't heard in person in over a year. Even thinking about it now puts a smirk on my face. As far back as I can remember, when Cyn came to the house she always made time to chat with me about my life and the things that mattered to me. For those twenty minutes, I ignored everything and caught up with a dear friend.

She just drove up for the weekend and told me about her life at UCLA and how her upcoming plans for Japan looked. I let the water droplets dry onto my car and the soap suds in the bucket fizzle out with each word being exchanged. Amidst the conversation, I realized it was the first time she had come by the house not to see my brother, but to give me a few minutes out of her day just like old times.

After she was done buttering me up, she finally spilled the beans on what she actually came for. I forgot how good she was at charming men into doing things for her. The whole time I thought "wow, I feel special", but she ended up saying how many bugs she had put onto the Volvo windshield and she wanted to wash the car. (I felt like one of those bugs for a second.)

She had everything except a sponge and extra time because she was running late for a dinner date. So in a swift incantation of Cyn's charisma, I gave her my yellow sponge with the promise she would bring it back before she left for LA.

I didn't even finish washing the other half of my car, but it didn't matter.

Cynthia did so much for me in my life, this was the only time she had asked me to do something for her, and I was more than glad to help. As promised, the sponge was delivered the next day and we exchanged what would be our last hugs before she headed back to LA.

'Til this day I have an old moldy yellow sponge that has been wilted down to a nub, hidden by me somewhere in my garage. On numerous accounts my mother would try to throw it away and I wouldn't let her, for reasons I thought she would never understand.

This nub is my last keepsake; it is my time capsule of a moment when I fell into the cunning trap of this gummy-smiling, candy loving, and 90's R&B mixtape-inspiring-type of pinay from Ardenwood.

thoughts of a splash sister

shared by VJ Rabuy, her sister

I know I have blogged about sports in the past, and about Cindy being good at them; so at this time of the year, I am especially reminded of her talents. 

Here in the Bay Area we are lucky enough to have the backcourt duo of Klay Thompson and Stephen Curry of the Golden State Warriors. For the past three seasons, they have lit up highlight reels like no other. Curry scored 54 points in a loss to the Knicks at Madison Square Garden. I've been to a game where Klay hit 7 three-pointers in the 2nd half.

When Cindy played for JFK during her junior and senior years on the varsity squad, it was not uncommon for her to hit a three every couple of games. With that in mind, I wonder if she follows the talented duo from up above, and if she would be reminded of her own skills beyond the arch.

thoughts of bump... set... spike...

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

Cyn Cyn recently started playing for her school's volleyball team. She's on the 6th/7th grade team, or "Division II" (D-II) team, while the 8th graders play on the "Division I" (D-I) team.

While waiting for her first game of the season to start last Tuesday, I began talking to another mom from her school whose daughter played for the D-I team. Their family is Filipino, and her daughter is slender with long black hair.

So although her daughter was similar to Cyn Cyn, what was more interesting is that she also reminded me of Cindy. She didn't necessarily look like Cindy, but there was just something about her that made me think of Cindy.

When Arlene attended Cyn Cyn's next game, held last Friday, she happened to notice this same girl on the D-I team. Arlene remarked to me that, "Hey, doesn't she kinda remind you of Cindy." So I just nodded and replied, "Yeah, she does. That's what I thought when I first saw her too."

thoughts of apples and oatmeal

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

While we were living together in LA, Cindy and I would often be in a hurry to get to campus in the morning. So breakfast was sometimes eaten on the go. One of our go-to breakfast meals was oatmeal.

We would microwave some instant oatmeal, then transfer it into a disposable cup, grab a disposable spoon, head out the door, and eat the oatmeal in the car, en route to school. It was typically plain oatmeal with added sugar, and occasionally the "fruit and cream" kind.

In an effort to reduce our use of sugar, Cindy started cutting fresh apples into little cubes and adding that to the oatmeal instead of sugar. Although it was time consuming (for her), it was a good idea, accomplished our goal, and tasted pretty good.

These days, oatmeal is still my go-to breakfast meal when I have to be out the door early in the morning. I have it at least twice a week, on the days that I go to work. And my flavor of choice is Trader Joe's apples and cinnamon instant oatmeal. It's quick, easy, tasty... and also another little reminder of Cindy.

thoughts of back to school

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

It's still hard to believe that my daughter Cyn Cyn will be starting middle school on Monday. Carla's daughter Brooke will be starting kindergarten on Wednesday. As her nieces embark on scholastic milestones, it's reassuring to know that their Tita Cindy is watching over them and helping them along from above.

Cyn Cyn attended her middle school orientation this past Monday. I was unable to attend due to work, so Andrew accompanied her. While at work, I was anxious to know how things were going at orientation.

My anxiety was gradually eased thanks to little signs that I know Cindy was sending me. I work as a community college counselor, and noticed tiny details about the students I was meeting with that had a connection to our family.

These little signs included a student whose previous address was on Cynthia Street; there was another student who had transcripts from Santa Clara University (where Carla attended law school and where her husband Mike currently works, and where Brooke attended preschool); one student was named Aurora (our mom's name); and yet another student had played in the same softball league in which Cyn Cyn plays.

When I came home to hear that orientation was a terrific experience and Cyn Cyn was now more excited than nervous, we discovered that her school issued locker combination consisted of digits that were also meaningful to our family.

Cindy was a dedicated and successful student, from elementary school through college. I'm proud to say that her nieces are following in her footsteps; and they're also blessed to have their heavenly aunt looking out for them along the way.

thoughts of an inspiring example

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

This past week, my daughter Cyn Cyn had the amazing opportunity to participate in the ASA Western National Championship Softball Tournament. She and the rest of her 10u teammates played an exciting week of softball games along with over 80 other teams from the western United States.

There were several moments throughout the week when I noticed her channelling her Tita Cyn. I was so proud to witness those times when her actions reflected many of the characteristics that her Tita Cyn embodied. These included...

...making the effort to always be inclusive (especially of a teammate)

...working hard to bounce back from disappointment (such as a lopsided loss)

...enjoying silly moments (like cheering and dancing in the dugout)

...embracing and celebrating new, extraordinary life experiences

I'm sure there were a few other examples, but those are the ones that struck me the most. So thank you Cindy for continuing to be an inspiration to me and the rest of your family, especially your nieces.

thoughts of extra innings

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

This evening, more than 200 friends and family members attended the Oakland A's game to raise money for the memorial scholarship funds for our cousin Zoe. It was a successful and fun-filled event!

There were so many moments when I just knew that both Cindy and Zoe were smiling right back at all of us, as we were looking up into the beautiful, bright sky.

Most notably, hearing my niece Michaela cheering "Let's Go A's!" and "Let's Go Scott!" (Kazmir, tonight's starting pitcher). This was her first A's game. I'm sure Cindy was pleased that the tradition of young Rabuy girls attending A's games was being upheld.

The game went into extra innings, and unfortunately the A's lost in the 12th inning.

But there were two other moments that made it so worth the time and energy of sitting through the entire game. And that was getting to see our mom - sporting her bright gold A's jersey and matching gold A's cap - singing and dancing to the music playing in between those late, extra innings.

I know one time she was dancing to the song "Shout!" from the movie Animal House, and I think the other time it was to the song "Ladies' Night" by Kool and the Gang. Watching her dance was priceless.

Our mom was channelling Cindy's silly, playful energy. And as I turned to watch my daughter Cyn Cyn dancing along with her Lola, I realized just where that energy originated from; that we all got it from her.

Thanks for the reminder, Cindy. And thanks for giving me even more reasons to enjoy an evening at an A's game. I have a feeling that you and Zoe were dancing along with us too!

thoughts of simple green

shared by VJ Rabuy, her sister

When I was in elementary school and Cyn was in junior high, she brought home a small sample packet of the cleaner 'simple green'.

I guess it was new - or new to the Bay Area, but the thing that was amazing about it was that it was a super small sample size, like 0.5 or maybe 0.3 fl. oz. You were to put it in a 24 oz. bottle of water to dilute it!

That's how the cleaner worked! 

A couple of months ago, I noticed my Tito Pol using the same 'simple green' product to clean the headstone of our grandparents’ grave. I thought back to the ‘simple green’ that Cyn and I had used to clean the house.

It had been a while since I had thought of it, and I was pleased to recall my first experience with the brand, and Cyn's sample from way back when.

thoughts of see jane run

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

Today I participated in my first 5K event, the See Jane Run 5K and Half Marathon. My good friend, Mar, and I have been walking buddies for a few years, and somewhat randomly decided that we would give a 5K a try.

We trained a little bit, but I had never jogged the full distance prior to today. I actually woke up this morning thinking that we were going to walk the entire distance; especially since we hadn't had a chance to walk together over the past week.

But to my surprise, we were able to run (slowly jog, really) the entire length! I was very shocked, while also relatively proud.

My 5K experience made me think of Cyn. Seeing the pairs, trios and small groups of friends running together... I just knew that running a 5K - or even a marathon - would be something that Cyn would have eventually done.

I'm not a runner, and don't have "run a marathon" on my bucket list. So I realize now that my heavenly sister was running with me today. She inspires me everyday and I could feel her whispering, "Come on, you can do it... you might as well just keep running, since you already started."

So thanks Cyn, for the extra motivation and support. And the weather today was simply perfect - another way that I knew you were smiling from above.

thoughts of homemade yahtzee

shared by VJ Rabuy, her sister

During the last few weeks, I have been honored to attend several children's birthday celebrations. So it sparked a memory of a birthday party I attended in elementary school.

The party was for my friend Christine Francis in the first or second grade. It was fun to see my friends outside of school, and to take part in games, and eat cake. But the thing I remember the most about that day was playing Yahtzee.

I had never played before, and this particular set that Christine had was the Mickey and Friends Disney Edition. So when I got home, I could not stop thinking about Mickey Yahtzee. I had so much fun playing, and I wanted to play again.

You had to roll all kinds of combinations of Mickeys, the more Mickeys the better. And after that, the rolls were for Donalds, Minnies, Daisys and so forth. Five Mickeys was the best.

So before the weekend’s end, Cyn had created my very own Disney Yahtzee. It was impressive because she had constructed each die, making the cube out of yellow graph paper and drawing the corresponding Mickey friend on each face of the die.

She made all five dice and whatever else. Other than the weight, the dice were spot on. She played with me, she really made the game for me; and it was all made possible by Cyn’s prowess for seeing something and knowing, “yeah, I could make that.”

thoughts of Nanook of the Aurora Borealis

shared by VJ Rabuy, her sister

The summer after high school graduation, Cyn and Linh got a dog. They named him Nanook of the Aurora Borealis, a pure breed Siberian Husky with distinctive “mask” face markings and ice-blue eyes.

Arlene has talked about him before. He was super cute, immensely playful; he loved being around people and would often walk himself when I or Arlene were unable to walk him.

I remember when Nanook was still a puppy, our neighbor and good friend, Josh Chow, would get on his rollerblades and walk Nanook. Cyn would trade off with Josh every other block and I would follow behind on foot with our family dog, Freckles.

I remember that first summer with Nanook was memorable since he was so curious, and it was fun to watch him grow bigger. Although he was mischievous, he was so sweet and loving it was hard to be mad at him.

When Nanook died in February of 2004, it was heartbreaking. But, olddly enough, it was a comfort to know that all dogs go to heaven. I am sure Cyn was happy to see her dog again.

thoughts of random balloons

shared by Arlene Rabuy, her sister

While we were growing up, we owned a helium tank and kept it in the garage at home. So we could blow up balloons any time we wanted. We would make balloon arches (sometimes reluctantly), and would bring balloons to events or special occasions.

For whatever reason, one vivid memory I have of Cyn is of her blowing up balloons for a party. She was also good at making the arches, which isn't surprising given her talent with arts and crafts.

During one of Cyn’s memorial services, a random balloon stealthily entered the church. For some reason, when I noticed it floating quietly, it felt like Cyn had sent it. From that day on, whenever I see a random balloon flying in the sky, I'm reminded of Cyn and can't help but smile.

thoughts of silly faces

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

While we were at mass on Easter Sunday, I was lucky enough to be sitting behind a cute little boy who I'm guessing was about three years old. He was sitting between his parents and was shifting around in his seat like most kids do during mass.

During one part of the mass, he looked at me a few times, and each time I would make a silly face at him - squinting my eyes, sticking out my tongue, crossing my eyes, tilting my head, and such. He would look at me... smile... and turn away, then look at me... smile... and turn away.

It was a fun game that we had going. When the game ended, it immediately made me think of Cindy. I remember several occasions throughout our lives when she would find the infant, toddler or young church goer sitting in front of her during mass and proceed to engage in a game of silly faces. Ya know, I sure miss those silly faces...

thoughts of Tita Cyn's spot

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

Today is what our family affectionately refers to as Cindy's heaven anniversary. It's been 11 years since she went to heaven.

Our family commemorates the day in many ways. Since not a day goes by that we don't think about Cindy, occasions like today are just a chance to take a little extra time to honor Cindy's spirit.

Some of the ways that members of our family honored Cindy today included...

attending mass
spending time at work helping others
making and eating "sushi bake"
baking and enjoying chocolate chip cookie bars
going to the afternoon A's game
watching the second game of the day/night double header on TV
attending meetings
spending time with family
playing boggle
playing princess dominoes
visiting the cemetery

Below is a photo of the headstone at Cindy's gravesite. Since I believe that Cindy is always with us, and that her spirit is all around us, when we visit the cemetery, I don't say that we're visiting Tita Cyn. Rather, I have always said that it's just "Cyn's spot".

thoughts of Grubb and Ellis

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

Although I don't remember much about them, it recently came to my mind that there was a brief period of time when Cindy had pet turtles.

There were at least two, or possibly three... I know it was at least two because I do remember that the names of two of her turtles were Grubb and Ellis. These names were derived from a real estate company that Cindy once worked for, of the same name.

I think she had the turtles toward the end of high school, just before college. They were really little guys that could fit in the palm of your hand, so they all shared the same aquarium. Hmm... now that I think of it, they may have been a breed of turtle that were technically illegal to have in the U.S.

I wish I could remember more about them. But it's endearing to be reminded that Cindy was able to have pet turtles for at least a little while, since turtles were her favorite animal.

thoughts of ashes to ashes

shared by Marlo R. Beall and VJ Rabuy, her sisters

With Ash Wednesday approaching this week, we both remember sharing the beginning of Lent with Cindy. Our family did our best to receive ashes every year, so we have a handful of memories of attending Ash Wednesday services with Cyn, and continuing with the rest of our day with the ashes on our foreheads.

For VJ, she remembers Ash Wednesday during high school. Since we typically went to mass early in the morning, VJ remembers trying to remove the ashes after church and before school. However, Cyn would encourage her not to do so, saying that she could just explain to people why the ashes were there.

For Marlo, there was one particular Ash Wednesday while we lived in LA when she remembers just making it to church in time to receive ashes. We had arrived late to the service and did not even have a moment to sit down. We entered the church and just kept walking down the aisle to the ashes distribution line.

So if you receive ashes this year and are thinking about wiping them from your forehead so as not to be noticed during the day, please consider leaving the ashes there, as a little reminder of what Cyn would do.

thoughts of 31 flavors

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

I don't remember just when it started, but one birthday tradition that our family has often practiced is that of celebrating by sharing in a Baskin Robbins ice cream cake. 

Although my sisters and I typically preferred ice cream flavors without nuts, I remember that one of Cyn's favorite flavors was Pralines and Cream.

I also remember a couple of times when our mom tried to discourage us from getting an ice cream cake, saying it was unnecessary and too expensive. However I think she just learned to accept it, since we would politely ignore her protests and get the cake anyway.

We've shared in a few ice cream cakes over the past few months, including a cake to commemorate Cindy's birthday last December.

Our mom even enjoyed a Jamoca Ice Cream and Yellow Cake creation for her own birthday, just this month. My sisters and I didn't remember there ever being a yellow cake option at Baskin Robbins before, so discovering that this year was like Cindy was sending us a little birthday shout out from above.

thoughts of hoodies in the rain

shared by VJ Rabuy, her sister

Cyn didn't use umbrellas. It's not that she had an aversion to them, she just preferred her hoodie.

It kind of makes sense; she usually had her backpack on, a sports bag over her shoulder, along with her purse over one of her arms. It seems to me that an umbrella was just one more thing to fiddle with.

So... this morning, as I braved a much needed California rainy day, I stepped out of the house and continued on, choosing not to go back to the house for my umbrella.

I didn't worry about the raindrops hitting my head. I took a pass on my umbrella, and thought for a moment of Cyn in an oversized, black, hooded sweatshirt.

thoughts of PJs

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

After Cyn passed away, we kept a lot of her belongings as cherished mementos. I came across one of those mementos the other day while I was searching for an outfit in our closet.

They were a set of Cyn's pajamas that we've kept on a hook in the closet. If I remember correctly, these pajamas had been hanging in her bathroom when we started putting away Cyn's things.

Since Andrew and I had the privilege of living with Cindy during her last years of college, her pajamas are a touching reminder of our times as roommates. They bring about memories when Cindy was most casual, most relaxed, and just happy to be home.

thoughts of sentimental times

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

It's so touching to think that the end of 2013 and start of 2014 marks the beginning of the fifth year of our blog. Thank you to all of you who have shared your thoughts of Cyn with us, and who take the time to keep up with our blog entries.

There are countless, daily instances that bring about thoughts of Cyn for me. One of the more random times is whenever I use the microwave. I always set the cook time to a number that is somehow connected to Cyn... either 12 or 22 seconds, for her birthday, or 14 - her jersey number, or 42 - for her April 2nd Heaven Anniversary, to name a few.

I also think of Cyn whenever I notice that the clock says 11:52, am or pm. If I take a break from whatever I'm doing and it happens to be 11:52, I stop, take a few breaths, and say a little prayer. Our cell phone bill reflected that 11:52pm was the time of the last call on Cyn's cell phone.

In other ways, the time 11:52 makes me smile more than sigh... such as when the clock during a basketball game that I'm watching says 11:52 during a timeout or other stop in play. I always notice and smile when I receive a text, voicemail message, or email at 11:52. I consider it a little hello from above.

One other thing that I like about the number 52 is that you can make an argument that it kind of looks like a heart, specifically when you see it on an old school digital clock, or on a DVR, or an oven clock. So even though 11:52 stirs a little sadness, it also always makes me think of love.