thoughts of please, thank you and a smile

shared by Jerry Gonzales, her friend from college

10 years! It seems a lifetime ago in some ways, and in others the memories feel like they were lived yesterday.

Today's your 34th Birthday Cyn - you always had such mixed feelings on your birthday. The proximity to Christmas always meant that it was hard for folks to separate their thoughts around Christmas with also taking time to greet you.

It's funny how memories of you ebb and flow throughout a year. The other day I was staring at my digital frame on my dresser and a picture of you popped up - must have been your little reminder to me that your birthday was coming up and that I shouldn't forget.

I'm a different man than I was 10 years ago - I think I'm better with managing the "lost dogs" in my life. I have two little boys that depend on me now and I always try to teach them that the world is a better place with just a please, thank you and a smile - same as you taught all of us.

In my selfish moments, I wish you were here on earth so I could get your advice on how to navigate life - but then I reflect deep inside and somehow the right answer always surfaces.

I hope your birthday party in heaven is amazing today; full of warmth, light, and surrounded by all those other angels.

thoughts of turtle ink

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

Happy 34th Birthday Cyn!

Ten years ago this month, my sisters and I got tattoos in honor of our sister, Cindy. Here are some photos of those tattoos.

They are variations of a turtle, accompanied by Cindy's Heaven Anniversary date (04-02-03), or "Cyn", or both.

Arlene's tattoo, on her lower back:

Marlo's tattoo, on her left shoulder:

Carla's tattoo, on her right hip:

VJ's tattoo, on her upper back:

 

thoughts of building snowmen

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

Over the Thanksgiving holiday weekend, I had the chance to watch the movie Frozen... twice. Although I always enjoy a musical, animated movie, I know part of the reason I liked this one so much was because it made me think of Cindy.

First of all, the main characters are sisters (named Elsa and Anna), and the movie has a touching message about sisterly love. There are some really sweet scenes of the sisters as kids, and some very poignant scenes when they're older. Throughout the movie, both sisters are seen with different, braided hairstyles that would make Cindy proud, and that she probably would have tried recreating on herself or on one of us.

One of the sidekick characters is a snowman named Olaf; and I can just picture Cindy making the perfect mini model of him out of clay.

Then there are the songs. We downloaded the soundtrack as soon as we got home and haven't stopped singing yet. Idina Menzel provides the voice for Elsa, so there have undoubtedly already been countless times that Cyn Cyn, Ava and I have belted out lines from the songs. I have images in my head of Cindy singing along to the songs too, just like we did with our favorite songs from Rent.

So I hope you like the movie as much as my girls and I do. And when you find yourself singing along to the songs, please think of it as a little tribute to Cyn... and while you're singing, don't hold back, just let it go.

thoughts of being fond of fonts

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

Today Cyn Cyn and Ava spent some time playing with a "Lettering Book". It included a few sets of alphabet stencils, and pages of different letter styles/fonts. The styles included block letters, "robot" letters, and rounded/skinny letters, among others.

One style even included letters made up of sports related images, including a volleyball net for the 'H' and a badminton birdie for the 'V'.

The different letter styles reminded me of Cindy's appreciation of and affection for fonts. Since she was involved in many activities, she was often making agendas, flyers, programs and other documents. She loved finding just the right font to help create just the right feel for whatever she was creating.

For the longest time, Comic Sans was her go-to font. Comic Sans always reminds me of Cyn. Other fonts she enjoyed using were mildly fancy ones like Papyrus or Bradley (for programs or invitations), or Marker Felt (for games or "fun stuff"). As for papers and other schoolwork, I believe she was a Helvetica fan.

There were several occasions when we would see some sign or document, and comment, "Hmm, that's a nice font," or "Ooh, ya, I like that font."

So the next time you find yourself looking for the perfect font for a specific occasion, take a moment and ask Cyn for some inspiration, and I think she'll help lead you in the right direction.

thoughts of a taco truck

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

While she was in high school, Cindy would occasionally work on a catering truck, or "taco truck". The truck belonged to Linh's family, her boyfriend in high school and throughout most of college. I didn't have any personal experiences with Cyn in relation to her taco truck days, but Arlene described one of her catering truck memories in a previous blog entry.

As part of our cousin's birthday party this weekend, her family had a taco truck on hand to provide food for the guests, something that's been done at several family parties.

I think Cyn would thoroughly enjoy all the catering truck food options that exist today, especially given the continually growing popularity of gourmet foods, and just variety and scope. I hope there's as much food variety available in heaven as well.

thoughts of live music?

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

Every once in a while, I find myself listening to music from UCLA's Pilipino Cultural Night (PCN) performances. I was listening to one of the CDs while driving to work today. It brings back countless fond memories of the times that Cindy, Carla and I spent participating in PCN.

One specific memory is from PCN 1997. Cindy was still in high school, and it may have been the first PCN she had ever attended. Our whole family attended since it was my last PCN, and Carla was also participating in it.

I have a vivid memory of all of us gathering together near the stage after the performance, just talking about how we enjoyed the evening. I said that I was a big fan of the music, especially since all the music - not just for the dances but for the original songs as well - were performed by the live PCN orchestra comprised of UCLA students and Samahang members.

Upon hearing this, Cindy was both surprised and impressed. I think she even said, "Really?? All the music was live?!" wearing a wide-eyed, wide-mouthed "Wow!?" expression on her face.

We all had a good laugh, wondering how she didn't notice that the music had been performed live. It was one of those rare instances when she didn't pick up on something right away. So it's fun to think that although Cindy was routinely brilliant, even she had an occasional goofy moment.

thoughts of many talents

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

The list of Cindy's many talents is endless. Different blog entries have described her skills in sports, baking, arts and crafts, board games, and flower arranging, to name a few.

Earlier this week, when Ava went to get her hair cut, it reminded me that Cindy was also skilled in cutting hair. I only recall her doing it a few times, including trimming my own long hair, yet - as with anything she tried - she was good at it.

When thinking about her many talents, I feel so grateful that I always had a front row seat to witness her in action; and to benefit from and admire all her gifts. 

I realize now that Cyn was blessed with the gift of being able to pick up anything that she tried. I even remember a time when my sisters and I joked around saying that if the occasion ever arose when someone was needed to... say... fly a helicopter... at a moment's notice...

Cyn would more than likely reply saying, "Oh, oh ok. Sure. I've never done it before, but ya, I'll figure it out." And she'd be right. Cindy would always come through.

thoughts of fun with floss

shared by VJ Rabuy, her sister

The first time I was exposed to embroidery floss was when Cindy was making a satin pillow for her 7th grade sewing class.

She took the floss, eyed her embroidery needle, and proceeded to embroider a rose on her pillow project; and upon completion she had five different colors. It was impressive.

Cindy would later use her talents to make a satin pillow for Marlo and Andrew's ring bearer for their wedding, as Marlo has mentioned in a previous entry.

The way I most remember embroidery floss from my youth was weaving it around my 'tail,' or queue, which I had up until high school graduation.

And of course I remember using embroidery floss for bracelets, necklaces and anklets that Cindy and I would make for ourselves and for others. I remember we even incorporated hemp into our jewelry and took studio pictures in our choker necklaces, complete with complementing tops.

I know Li'l Cyn wears at least one bracelet, a braid of embroidery floss, from her softball teammate. It is nice to know that the things that Cindy and I liked as kids are still 'in' with the younger generation.

thoughts of enjoying friends

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

Throughout the summer, as I catch up on A's game highlights at night, I usually also find myself watching reruns of the TV show Friends. I have always been a Friends fan, and I have several fond memories of enjoying episodes of the show with Cindy.

As a wedding present, Cindy gave me and Andrew the Best of Friends five disc DVD set.

Not only did we enjoy watching the show and quoting memorable lines, but we even had the Friends board game. While I was pregnant, Cindy, Andrew and I often played the game, which was basically a trivia game that asked questions about the show.

So I appreciate TBS, Nick at Nite, and other channels with syndicated shows for giving me regular opportunities to spend time with Friends, and reminisce about the times that Cindy and I enjoyed Friends together.

thoughts of school spirit

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

Last weekend, Andrew and I attended my 20 year high school reunion. It was a fun night, and it was endearing to see several people that I had shared my childhood with, and to learn that they were doing well.

Throughout the evening, there was an ongoing slide show of our different high school activities, such as prom, spirit week, the annual food drive, senior pictures, sporting events, and just daily activities like lunch and going to class. Being reminded of these events, I couldn't help but think of Cyn, because she was so incredibly involved in all of her own high school activities.

During the weeks leading up to the reunion, I couldn't decide whether I really wanted to go or not. One small factor in ultimately choosing to go was the notion that Cyn was smiling down from above and would be proud of me for going, since she undoubtedly would have attended her own. Actually, she probably would have been one of the folks to help coordinate the event, since she had served as Senior Class President of her graduating class.

As I was wavering back and forth about whether or not to attend, I am certain that Cyn was one of the voices in my head saying that it would be fun to go. So I appreciate that she reminded me of how fun it is to express a little bit of school spirit, and I'm indeed glad that I went. Go Titans!

thoughts of payless shoe source and great america

shared by Arlene Rabuy, her sister

When Cyn was growing up, she was one of five female cousins who dubbed themselves “the FLI Girls”. The other members were Diana, Inez, VJ and Theresa. I want to say they got the name from the show "In Living Color", but I'm not sure.

Theresa has described a little about their group in a previous blog entry. Although I was not an official member, they treated me like some sort of honorary member, as I was often the one driving them around.

I have a distinct memory of taking all of them to Hollister to take group pictures. I also recall bringing them to Payless Shoe Source to buy beige boots so they could all match. Then there was their infamous trip to Great America, which I think our whole family will always remember.

The FLI Girls also performed dance routines at the Golden Anniversary for our grandparents. They held secret meetings in our 15 passenger Dodge van when it was parked on the side of our house. They even had nicknames for each member.

Cyn always had special relationships with each person in her life, and her cousins were no exception. I have fond memories of the FLI Girls, and am happy to have been considered an honorary member.

thoughts of a dumb monkey and a smart cookie

shared by VJ Rabuy, her sister

As a young girl, I did not go to the mall very often. To make a trip to the mall with a cool aunt and uncle was an even more rare and more special occasion.

I have a distinct memory from over 19 years ago of Tita Ancit and Tito Randy taking me and Cyn to the mall. It was even before they were married.

The four of us went to Southland Mall in Tito Randy's red truck. We walked around and went into all of the stores we were interested in. There was so much to look at in each store.

When we were about to leave, someone - I think Tita Ancit, suggested we get pizza. However, we proceeded to walk right by the Round Table in the mall, so I was confused. 

Then, after a stretch of highway, we found ourselves at Pizzeria Uno near Fremont Hub. It was the first time I had ever been there, and definitely one of my few experiences of dining out as a nine year old.

We enjoyed a fun and relaxing meal, and once we finished dinner we were asked what we wanted for dessert. Dessert? I was shocked because I was not used to ordering dessert. Tito Randy guided us thru a small dessert binder and asked us to choose.

I chose the smart cookie because it was soo cool and Cyn got the dumb monkey. Her dish came complete with a monkey dangling from his tail held high by a straw or some type of chocolate stick. It was such a fun time and I enjoyed every minute!

While visiting Upstate New York this past spring, I saw a Pizzeria Uno in town. It brought back happy memories of my sister and a perfect evening from our childhood.

thoughts of lucky number 14

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

When Cindy played high school basketball and volleyball, her jersey number was 14. I'm not sure why she chose it, but I'd say it was her favorite number. I even recall seeing a picture of her and Linh from a school dance where they had worn matching football jerseys with the number 14 on them.

My daughter Cyn Cyn is playing softball this summer as part of a traveling team. When she was asked to choose her jersey number, she ended up choosing 14. She's played softball for several years, and her previous jersey numbers have been one, two, three and four. So at first she thought to pick the number five, but since it was already taken by a teammate, 14 became a perfect alternative.

One of the reasons that she chose 14 was because it is the number of her favorite baseball player, Mark Ellis. But I let her know that it was also her Tita Cyn's number, so she happily accepted that as another good reason. I always embrace the opportunities to share little reminders of Tita Cyn with her nieces, keeping her spirit alive for them.

thoughts of the little details

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

Living in Alameda, we see a lot of Cal and Cal Alumni license plate frames while driving around. But every once in a while - at least once a week - I see a UCLA license plate frame, which makes me smile and think of Cyn.

In particular, it reminds me of the time when Cindy bought a set of UCLA Alumni license plate frames for my friend from grad school, Kevin. Since she was on the ASUCLA Board of Directors, she received a discount on UCLA merchandise. I had mentioned this to Kevin, so he asked if she wouldn't mind buying him some plate frames.

Cindy of course, was happy to do so. Kevin appreciated her kindness, but made a point to tell me that he was actually more impressed with the fact that Cindy also bought the set of screws from the UCLA store to be used to attach the plate frames.

I'm fairly sure that it wasn't imperative that the screws also be purchased with the frames; but thinking about those minor yet potentially important details was something that Cindy just had a knack for doing.

It's also a more poignant memory because Kevin told me about her additional purchase when he attended one of Cindy's memorial services. I hadn't known before then.

It is such a joy to learn of the random moments when folks who may not have known Cindy that well had a chance to see a glimpse of one of the countless characteristics that made her so extraordinary.

thoughts of salt and pepper

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

For whatever reason, there was a brief period of time (I think during high school and college) when Cyn collected salt and pepper shaker sets. When I say collect, I mean that every once in a while, salt and pepper sets would find their way out of restaurants that she visited.

Although it was only an occasional act, our family would remind Cyn that stealing was wrong and that she really shouldn't be doing it. However, I believe that her collection still continued to grow. Even though we would discourage her from taking them, I think she was old enough that my parents were not necessarily in a place to strictly discipline her for her bad behavior.

I even have a random memory of our family being at a restaurant and our mom seemed to actually support Cyn's bad habit. I remember our mom exchanging a raised-eyebrow look with Cyn and glancing down to the salt and pepper shakers on the table, then back to her, as if to say, "Hey, look at those. Do you want those for your collection?"

I always admired Cyn for striving to do the right thing. So it's fun to think of those rare occasions when she strayed from that, and engaged in a little bit of mischief.

thoughts of eating the wrapper

shared by VJ Rabuy, her sister

I have blogged before about Cyn's fondness for candy. As kids, we both indulged in sweets, and had the silver teeth to prove it. One of my random memories involving candy is with the now discontinued Cinn-A-Burst gum and its cousin Mint-A-Burst.

One of Cindy's friends discovered that you could eat the wrapper. You could keep the stick of gum in the thin paper covering and proceed to chew the gum in the wrapper and it would be okay. This was not like eating the rice wrapper from the candy White Rabbit, the wrapper of the Cinn-A-Burst made the gum stiff and far less cinnamon-y.

As a tween back in the day, offering gum to our sisters’ friends, we certainly got a kick out of it when they would watch us chew our gum - with the wrapper still on.

I wonder if retro candy shoppes still carry this brand of gum. If I find some, I know I’ll reminisce about the wrapper-chewing-filled times that I shared with Cyn.

thoughts of no crying in baseball

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

The other day, Cyn Cyn was doing a project that involved conducting mini interviews. One of her questions was, "What is your favorite movie?" Although I have a lot of favorite movies, when asked to identify just one, the answer I gave her was A League of Their Own.

I often consider it my favorite movie for several reasons, but mostly because it's about baseball... and sisters... two things that are very dear to me. It also just so happened that Cindy and I watched it together in our apartment, on the last day that we spent together.

thoughts of touching my soul

shared by Manoj Shah, her childhood friend

Dear Cyn,

10 years have taken a toll

Not a day goes by that I don’t

think about how you’ve affected my soul

I’m sorry I haven’t written or paused to

consider my absence from everyone sharing

stories. It’s just not my way.

I put your name on my arm and I look at it every now and then.

Sometimes people ask, what’s that stand for?

“Oh, it's for a friend,” is all I could really say. Nothing more I can share;

it’s always been a little more than I can bear.

Things are good and everybody is getting on with their lives. Even me.

Thank you for being a great friend and teaching me what it means to be one.

You might be gone, but your legacy lives on through me, and the countless others whom you touched.

Love you. Miss you. - Manoj

thoughts of how time flies

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

It's hard to believe that it's been ten years since Cindy went to heaven. I mentioned to Andrew yesterday that it's not necessarily that ten years is that much different than nine years, but I appreciate the notion of acknowledging the decade mark. I don't miss my sister any more than last year, or any less, but I am actually more motivated to keep her spirit and memory as alive as ever.

Different family members have offered mass today in Cindy's honor. There was the 8am mass at Saint Anne's church, with breakfast in the hall after mass. The midday mass at the Cathedral of Christ the Light in Oakland is being offered for Cyn. Our aunt in the Philippines also offered mass for Cindy there.

We're preparing for our pizza and game night this evening, and are looking forward to seeing more of Cindy's family and friends. Two of Cyn's friends from UCLA, who are now married, are hosting their own game night at their home in Southern California this evening as well.

Many thanks to everyone who continues to honor and remember Cindy, in whatever possible way, individually or as part of a community; and please continue to do so. Everyday, it's heartwarming to experience the little things that remind me of Cindy. So I have a new goal of gathering more pictures of her and documenting more memories. So here are just a few photos to share.

If you would like to view the photo collages that we have previously posted, please click here and here.

thoughts of a li'l friendly competition

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

Cindy enjoyed both watching and playing sports, as well as playing board games or solving brain teasers. No matter the type of contest, you could count on Cyn to be "in it to win it".

During the memorial service held at UCLA, one of the administrators who served with her on the ASUCLA Board of Directors shared a story about he and Cyn playing a friendly game of "Dots and Boxes" during one of their meetings. He explained how they casually took turns placing their initials in the finished boxes that connecting the dots created.

Once they finished, and he had appeared to have won the game, he looked at her with a victorious smile. Cyn was apparently not satisfied with the results, and responded with a sly smile, raised eyebrows, and a confident nod of her head.

She proceeded to add more dots to the paper, letting her administrator friend know that the game was in no way over. And if I remember correctly, they continued to play.

Next month, on Tuesday, April 2nd, we will commemorate 10 years since Cindy passed away. Our family likes to refer to that date as "Tita Cyn's Heaven Anniversary". As a way of celebrating this anniversary, we will be hosting a game night from 4pm to 9pm at the hall at Saint Anne's Church in Union City.

We'd be happy to have you join us. If you would like to attend or have any questions, please let us know in the comments section or by sending an email to thoughtsofcyn@comcast.net. Hope to see you there!

thoughts of namaste

shared by VJ Rabuy, her sister

Recently, I started practicing yoga again. My first class back, I didn't have a mat with me, so I told myself I would resurrect my old yoga mat. After a little scavenging, I came across my trusty, old, teal mat.

It had been quite some time since I used it last. The memory of Cyn doing yoga with me the summer before her first year in college, and her giving me my yoga mat, popped in my head.

She was really excited to leave for UCLA in the winter, and we told ourselves we would go to yoga at least once a week right up until she was to relocate. I also remember a yoga deck we both had, but I have yet to come across that once again.

Yoga is fun, but quite challenging. Sometimes I think about how it would come much easier to me had I continued since that first summer I started. I like to think that finding my mat, a mat I've had for 15 years now, is Cyn's way of encouraging me and sending down love from above. My next vinyasa will be dedicated to you sister. I love you so much!!

thoughts of new destinations

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

One of Cindy's goals after college was to spend a year teaching English in Japan. Although she did not get the chance to fulfill that goal, our sister Carla was able to do so. Carla's time in Japan was like a tribute to Cindy.

While at UCLA, Cindy spent the summer of 2001 studying in England. Once her summer classes were done, she and her friend Cheryl spent a couple of weeks traveling through and exploring other parts of Europe as well.

I also remember that in high school, Cindy took part in the "Close-Up Program", where students spend a week in Washington D.C. to get a close-up look at U.S. government and U.S. history. Watching the inauguration last month reminded me of Close-Up.

I always admired how Cindy took advantage of opportunities to travel and enhance her educational experience, as well as her sense of adventure.

Recently, two of our cousins have made plans to move away from the Bay Area for new job opportunities, one going to the Philippines and the other to Oregon. Yet another cousin recently started spending a semester studying abroad in Barcelona.

Whenever any of my cousins embark on new adventures in new places (of which there have been many others), I believe that Cindy has had a hand in bringing these adventures to life. I like to think of her as one of the little voices that encourages them to "Go for it!" and that reassures them that they've made the right decision during times when they are homesick or feeling doubt; and each new adventure serves as a tribute to her.

thoughts of keeping the faith

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

Today we celebrated my niece Michaela's baptism at St. Anne's Church. It was refreshing to attend a happy event after having spent too much of last year at church due to sorrowful occasions.

Going to church, especially to St. Anne's, reminds me of Cyn. She always actively and consistently practiced her faith. Cyn attended CCD every year while growing up, even taking the time to teach pre-school and kindergarten Sunday School classes when she was older. 

She was also an altar server from grade school through high school. She went to church every Sunday, even on holy days of obligation, and completed all nine of the Simbang Gabi early morning mass novenas at least a couple of times.

In addition to practicing her faith as a devoted Catholic, she also lived her faith through the love and kindness that she shared with everyone she met. I also remember that she had a shiny navy blue and gold keychain on her college backpack that had the letters "PCG" on it. PCG stands for "Precious Child of God", and Cyn is a shining example of what that means.

thoughts of Snoopy

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

Yesterday, our family went out to lunch to celebrate VJ's birthday. Both Cyn Cyn and I were wearing shirts with Snoopy on them. A family friend who had joined us for lunch asked whether it was "Snoopy Day" or something, to explain why we were both wearing Snoopy shirts.

I told her that I usually like to wear a Snoopy shirt to family gatherings or special family occasions, as a way of representing Cindy. I believe that she is always with us in spirit, so it's fun to have small ways to express it.

thoughts of bruins and jayhawks

shared by Andrew Beall, her brother-in-law

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a proud Kansas Jayhawks fan. But I will also say that at the point in my life when I met Marlo, I became a UCLA Bruins fan too. I think I actually keep track of them more than she does. The only time I don't cheer for UCLA is when they are playing my Jayhawks. 

Last week, we watched the UCLA mens' basketball team play on TV against the MU Tigers. It was a fun game and thankfully the right team won. As we watched, it made me think of the time that Cindy took me to see the Bruins play my Jayhawks in Pauley Pavilion. It was quite an adventure.

When I mentioned to Cindy that KU would be playing UCLA, she said she would get us tickets and then decided she'd get us student tickets so we could sit closer to the court. I didn't quite realize what that would entail. 

The day of the game, Cindy told me she had borrowed one of her friend's student ID's. I was going to have to pretend I was a UCLA student with my borrowed ID. We waited in line to get in, and nervously practiced everything I was going to say as they checked my credentials. Security really did hold the ID up next to me and ask me what my name was, but I was apparently persuasive enough that they believed me even though I looked nothing like the darker skinned fellow on the ID. 

The Jayhawks were ranked #1 at that time, and the Bruins #11. It was supposed to be a good game, but my Jayhawks played terribly. I vividly remember sitting amongst all the students screaming for UCLA. And because I was sitting with them, I knew better than to openly cheer for the other team. Cindy laughed at me when I poorly tried to control my emotions. I remember that I would squeeze her hand instead of yelling when KU would make a good play, which there weren't very many of. 

In the end, it was a pretty frustrating game from my perspective. KU lost 87 to 77. The UCLA students stormed the court as time expired. Cindy rushed down while I stood in the stands and wallowed in my sorrows. 

Still, I had a great time with Cyn. I miss our adventures together.