thoughts of pinay power

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

Earlier this month, a friend from college passed away suddenly. Her name was Dawn Bohulano Mabalon. We were at UCLA together in the 90's and were both involved with the on-campus Filipino organizations there.

Dawn went on to become a History Professor at San Francisco State University; but more importantly, she became a mentor and inspiration for countless members of the Filipino/a community through her research, her teaching, her activism and just being her wonderfully fun-loving, brilliant self.

I don't remember whether Cindy ever had the chance to meet Dawn, but they truly remind me of one other. I'm fairly certain that Cindy knew who Dawn was, and that if they had had the chance to spend even a few moments together, they would have been big fans of each other. I'm confident that Dawn and Cindy are now becoming fast friends in heaven. #dawnmabalonisintheheart

thoughts of please, thank you and a smile

shared by Jerry Gonzales, her friend from college

10 years! It seems a lifetime ago in some ways, and in others the memories feel like they were lived yesterday.

Today's your 34th Birthday Cyn - you always had such mixed feelings on your birthday. The proximity to Christmas always meant that it was hard for folks to separate their thoughts around Christmas with also taking time to greet you.

It's funny how memories of you ebb and flow throughout a year. The other day I was staring at my digital frame on my dresser and a picture of you popped up - must have been your little reminder to me that your birthday was coming up and that I shouldn't forget.

I'm a different man than I was 10 years ago - I think I'm better with managing the "lost dogs" in my life. I have two little boys that depend on me now and I always try to teach them that the world is a better place with just a please, thank you and a smile - same as you taught all of us.

In my selfish moments, I wish you were here on earth so I could get your advice on how to navigate life - but then I reflect deep inside and somehow the right answer always surfaces.

I hope your birthday party in heaven is amazing today; full of warmth, light, and surrounded by all those other angels.

thoughts of live music?

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

Every once in a while, I find myself listening to music from UCLA's Pilipino Cultural Night (PCN) performances. I was listening to one of the CDs while driving to work today. It brings back countless fond memories of the times that Cindy, Carla and I spent participating in PCN.

One specific memory is from PCN 1997. Cindy was still in high school, and it may have been the first PCN she had ever attended. Our whole family attended since it was my last PCN, and Carla was also participating in it.

I have a vivid memory of all of us gathering together near the stage after the performance, just talking about how we enjoyed the evening. I said that I was a big fan of the music, especially since all the music - not just for the dances but for the original songs as well - were performed by the live PCN orchestra comprised of UCLA students and Samahang members.

Upon hearing this, Cindy was both surprised and impressed. I think she even said, "Really?? All the music was live?!" wearing a wide-eyed, wide-mouthed "Wow!?" expression on her face.

We all had a good laugh, wondering how she didn't notice that the music had been performed live. It was one of those rare instances when she didn't pick up on something right away. So it's fun to think that although Cindy was routinely brilliant, even she had an occasional goofy moment.

thoughts of how time flies

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

It's hard to believe that it's been ten years since Cindy went to heaven. I mentioned to Andrew yesterday that it's not necessarily that ten years is that much different than nine years, but I appreciate the notion of acknowledging the decade mark. I don't miss my sister any more than last year, or any less, but I am actually more motivated to keep her spirit and memory as alive as ever.

Different family members have offered mass today in Cindy's honor. There was the 8am mass at Saint Anne's church, with breakfast in the hall after mass. The midday mass at the Cathedral of Christ the Light in Oakland is being offered for Cyn. Our aunt in the Philippines also offered mass for Cindy there.

We're preparing for our pizza and game night this evening, and are looking forward to seeing more of Cindy's family and friends. Two of Cyn's friends from UCLA, who are now married, are hosting their own game night at their home in Southern California this evening as well.

Many thanks to everyone who continues to honor and remember Cindy, in whatever possible way, individually or as part of a community; and please continue to do so. Everyday, it's heartwarming to experience the little things that remind me of Cindy. So I have a new goal of gathering more pictures of her and documenting more memories. So here are just a few photos to share.

If you would like to view the photo collages that we have previously posted, please click here and here.

thoughts of one family

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

While Carla, Cindy and I were at UCLA, we were all involved with Samahang Pilipino. One specific Samahang activity that we all enjoyed participating in was the annual Pilipino Cultural Night (PCN). I found myself reminiscing about PCN recently, and thought of how one of my favorite memories is when the entire PCN cast would sing the Samahang Pilipino Theme Song. The chorus of the song goes like this...

'Cause we are

Brothers and sisters

Always and forever

We are

Brothers and sisters

We live as one

We are

Brothers and sisters

Samahang Pilipino

We are

Brothers and sisters

We live as one

Family

Although the end of the annual PCN performance was one of the most poignant times for singing the theme song, we would also do so after PCN run-thrus, occasionally at a Samahang general meeting, or at a number of other Samahang special events. Anyone who has been involved with Samahang can hopefully remember the loving sentiment that you felt while singing the theme song... from the first "Laaaaaaaa, la, la, la, la's" to the final "ONE FA - MI - LYYYYYY".

This reminds me of Cyn specifically because of the "and sisters" part of the lyrics. Whenever my sisters and I were part of the group, we would manage to find each other at least once or twice, just as everyone was singing, "and sisters". At that moment, as we swayed to the music, we would playfully point to each other while exchanging a silly look or smile, because... well... we were sisters.

I wonder now, whether other "Samahang siblings" shared the same little ritual. But I'm glad that we did, and that I have those moments as some of my loving memories of Cyn.

thoughts of love as an action

shared by Jonah Lalas, her friend from college

[The entry below is an article that was originally published in the UCLA Newspaper, the Daily Bruin, April 2003]

I commend the Daily Bruin’s editorial piece on the memory of Cindy Rabuy and setting her as a prime example of a student activist (Viewpoint, April 4, 2003). But I wanted to highlight another aspect of Cindy I think we can all learn from: her capacity to be loving.

 

I read a book last year by black social critic and feminist theorist bell hooks entitled “All About Love: New Visions.” Given hook’s radical history of works on race, gender, and class, I was a little skeptical to learn she’d written a book on love. Because our society is inundated with best-selling “self-help” books like “Men Are from Mars, Women Are From Venus” that merely reinforce existing assumptions about gender, I thought hooks finally sold out. I was pleasantly surprised that hook’s book is not some sort of guide, but a theory that challenges us to redefine our definition of love. Oftentimes, when we think of the word love, we think of a “feeling.” We think of that “force” between Romeo and Juliet, or that feeling we had as a child when our parents took us to Disneyland or bought us that Christmas gift we always wanted.  hooks disregards such simplicity and claims love is an action. It’s not something that you can merely “fall” into or lose control of, nor is love simply a matter of pleasing someone, or satisfying his or her desires with hugs and kisses. It is something that you do. It is a verb. It is a choice characterized by responsibility, respect, commitment, honesty, trust, mutuality and affection that leads to the spiritual growth and self-fulfillment of others. Cindy epitomizes all of these qualities.

Cindy demonstrated extreme dedication to improving the lives of individuals in many ways, but I knew her most for her involvement with the Pilipino community through SPEAR, the Samahang Pilipino Education and Retention program, that provides peer counseling and academic support to students. Her ability to listen attentively to dozens of her student’s stresses and concerns and make them a part of her life is a testimony to her loving personality. She was also a woman of conviction, a visionary who knew what she thought needed to change on campus. She did not simply follow the dominant thought of those above her, and when she witnessed something wrong, she refused to follow the herd. More importantly, if she noticed something in you that showed promise and potential to benefit the community, she did not hesitate to push you to the next level, refusing to allow your talents to go to waste. It was because of her that I got involved with various students groups and ran for certain positions, even though I did not fully have the confidence to do so. In fact, many times she probably believed in me more than I believed in myself. She was the catalyst for so many people who set off internal chain reactions that made you discover talents and magic you thought you never had.

But the one thing that I will always remember Cindy for is her ability to challenge others. She made me realize how cold-hearted I could be towards people, even those close to me. She exposed to me my narcissism. I didn't know how to listen, so when I spoke with her, the conversation always centered on me. Finally, we were talking one night last year and she opened up and started telling me some of the conflicts she was going through. And when I put down the phone, it hit me: I had known this person for a year and a half, and I knew nothing about who she really was. She makes you feel so good about yourself and provides you with so much inspiration, that you forget to ask, “So, what about you? How are you doing?” So from that point on, I made a commitment to change. 

Not only did she challenge me on my arrogance, but she also served as an example of what a loving person should be. She always talked about her loving sisters, whom she got along with so well. I remember the affection she displayed towards her friends, and the way she would talk about the people close to her. She helped me to discover that to love is also to be happy and I aspired to follow her example.

But Cindy was not a machine. She was a human being just like the rest of us who needed validation. Sometimes all of this activism, this selfless commitment to others can tire a person out. One night towards the beginning of summer, she expressed to me how unappreciated she felt and questioned whether or not all of those years of service, and countless hours of dedication to the community at the sacrifice of her grades and social life was worth it. At that moment of vulnerability, I reminded her to just look back at all of the lives she’s touched with her friendship, including mine.

We all have Cindy’s in our lives and it’s up to us not only to follow their example to become active and loving, but to start appreciating and celebrating them while they’re alive. She helped to teach me the importance of family and friendship. She inspired and believed in me. And more importantly she showed me what bell hooks could only describe in a book: love is not just a feeling, love is an action.

thoughts of feeling closer to the heavens

shared by Melanie Pascual, her friend from college

I think about Cindy often when I travel, especially when I'm on a plane and feeling closer to the heavens. And of course, every Halloween. I wish I could just call her to say hello and wish her a Happy 30th Birthday, and ask her how she's doing...How lucky I was to have such a great friend, so kind, so honest, so brilliant, and so loving.

thoughts of coffee-flavored Haagen-Dazs ice cream

shared by Bret Galeste, her friend from college

December 22, 2009.  We'd still be friends -- and we'd sporadically get in touch for prolonged periods of time, followed by some inactivity before we'd catch up again. I'd have a previously set alarm go off on my phone that goes off exactly once a year, reminding me that it's your birthday. And then I'd call you or text you at the very least, welcoming you to the league of thirtysomethings (I have a feeling you wouldn't be much of a Facebooker, opting instead for genuine interaction with your friends). I'd tell you Happy Birthday and I miss you and that I love you, if I had the courage, though regardless it'd be true.  

I can imagine exactly how it would be if you were still here, well partially because you are, but mostly because you've made such a lifelong impression on me. I look back often on things I wrote after we lost you, and those thoughts -- they still feel so fresh to me. I've lost people before, and I've managed to somehow sever most emotional ties with that person no matter how much I reflect. But with you it's different. Not so much in a heavy, grieving kind of way, but moreso intense joy for having had you in my life and having been so close to you during such a formative time in my life. Yes, your death affected me deeply, but not nearly as much as your life.

Someday, should I be so lucky, I will be blessed with a baby girl - and I will name her Cynthia. I will do everything within my power to love her and show her how to leave a positive impact on her world, just like her namesake. I look forward to having that conversation when she asks me where her name came from. I'll call you my best friend from college, from life in general, because I couldn't honestly say that I've ever had a friend that was better than you. I'd recall our travels and the time you felt so guilty for taking a sample from a delivery of freshly baked croissants in a Parisian hotel lobby. And then this is when I'd tell her where my love of coffee-flavored Haagen-Dazs ice cream came from, as well as the team-building exercises that I do every term with my new students. I'd describe you as "nice" and "kind", two cliched words that never mean more than when they refer to you.

Cindy, Happy Birthday to the most genuine, most thoughtful and kindest soul I've ever known. You were always there, and I hope that you'd say the same of me. You loved so naturally and freely. You lifted me up more times than you knew, and you never judged me. You had this way of making people feel like each and every one of them was the most important person in your life. It makes me sad to think of the great things you would have accomplished in this world, but then I realize that you made all of us better people, and for that, the world will forever be blessed. Happy Birthday! I miss you. I love you.  ~ Bret : )

thoughts of track pants, tank tops and ridiculousness

shared by Joann Baso, her friend from college

tinikling + destiny’s child = fun

Dear Cyn,

I was just thinking of you last week. I was up late after stumbling onto this old montage of PCN - remember the one that required that we MAKE all of those dang programs ourselves? I've never hated highlighters and post-its so much. The montage had a picture of you in your standard college outfit of track pants, tank, and sweater tied around your waist. I think that's how I'll always remember you. 

Anyway, it made me think of my most favorite memory of you. Recall our ridiculousness right before we would start every Tinikling set? We entered from different sides of the stage and from the wings we would strike those Destiny's-Child-Say-My-Name style poses right up until it was our turn to paste on smiles and make our entrance. Everyone thought we were sorta insane and that's what made it the best.

Happy Birthday Cindy! We miss ya in these parts.

Hugs,

Joann

thoughts of hitting it off instantly

shared by Peter B. Bade, her friend from college

Although I was not very close to Cynthia personally, she was always a very warm, caring, and loving person to be around.  I was a recent transfer student when I first met her at UCLA.  I think it was at a Samahang meeting, and I'm pretty sure that she approached me first as I would have been too shy to introduce myself to anyone there, being new and all.  I recall that we hit it off instantly because I told her that I was from Fremont and went to one of her rival high schools in the area.  I'll never forget how welcoming and inviting she was that day.  I'm sure she was this way with other people new to Samahang and UCLA in general.  Happy 30th Birthday Cynthia!  You will always be remembered.

thoughts of running hugs and words of encouragement

shared by Roy Cervantes, her friend from college

Cyn always had an infectious smile and energy about her. From the day I met her at UCLA, she inspired me with her authenticity, humility, and empathy. Cyn was the epitome of a student leader at UCLA, involved in anything and everything, but more importantly, she was a wonderful friend. She had a knack for connecting with people and knowing exactly what to do or say to make them feel comfortable. Despite all the things she had on her plate, she always made time for her family, friends, and colleagues.  

These were the moments that I still hold close to heart—the moments in between classes and the never-ending meetings and commitments. There were these random run-ins at Kerckhoff when we'd run into each other in the hall and no matter what was going on, I could always count on a hug and some words of encouragement from a dear friend. At one point, Cyn started to surprise me by sprinting down the hall and jumping in the air so that I'd have to catch her. Another fond memory I have of Cyn also seemed relatively random at the time. I still remember being utterly confused as she rushed me out of the Samahang meeting, down the Ackerman steps, and into the Lot 6 turnaround moments after Andrew had proposed to Marlo. I'll never forget how happy and excited she was for her sister and new brother-in-law, and how lucky I felt that Cyn shared that moment with me. 

I think everyone that came across Cyn had some sort of similar and special connection with her, because I certainly felt like our friendship was one-of-a-kind. That's the type of person she was...she made everyone feel special and valued somehow. To this day, I still feel Cyn's spirit and never-ending support around me.