thoughts of bruin family

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

Last weekend, I was lucky enough to attend our cousin Bernadette's graduation from UCLA Law School. Our whole family is so proud of her achievement, and are excited for all that she'll accomplish in the future.

I hadn't been back to UCLA in a few years. It's always very nostalgic being back on campus, and bittersweet as well. There's countless fond memories, but also sadness knowing that Cindy didn't get the chance to move on to the next stages of her life after completing her degree.

After the graduation ceremony, a few of us walked down the hill to the middle of campus, to visit the meeting room that had been named in Cindy's honor. A previous entry describes when Andrew and I took the girls to see it back in 2016.

I was happy that more of our family members had a chance to also visit the space. And it's touching to know that Cindy's memory and spirit are kept alive in a special spot on the UCLA campus.

thoughts of pinay power

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

Earlier this month, a friend from college passed away suddenly. Her name was Dawn Bohulano Mabalon. We were at UCLA together in the 90's and were both involved with the on-campus Filipino organizations there.

Dawn went on to become a History Professor at San Francisco State University; but more importantly, she became a mentor and inspiration for countless members of the Filipino/a community through her research, her teaching, her activism and just being her wonderfully fun-loving, brilliant self.

I don't remember whether Cindy ever had the chance to meet Dawn, but they truly remind me of one other. I'm fairly certain that Cindy knew who Dawn was, and that if they had had the chance to spend even a few moments together, they would have been big fans of each other. I'm confident that Dawn and Cindy are now becoming fast friends in heaven. #dawnmabalonisintheheart

thoughts of collective space

shared by Marlo R. Beall, her sister

Last weekend, our family started our summer vacation by taking a short trip to the Los Angeles and Orange County area. While there, we visited UCLA, which we haven't done in about a decade.

We took the girls on a quick tour of some of the main parts of campus, and hoped to visit the conference room within the Community Programs Office (CPO) that was named in Cindy's honor.

Andrew and I were not sure whether we would be able to see it, since it was the weekend, and campus was relatively empty. However, when we walked up the short set of stairs towards CPO, we found the door wide open; although we didn't find anyone inside.

There was definitely some divine intervention that led to the CPO being open. We walked into the office and found Cindy's room was open too; it's named the "Cynthia E. Rabuy Collective Space". 

We were excited to have been able to show the girls their Tita Cyn's room. We are also eternally grateful for everyone at CPO, past and present, for continuing to honor Cindy's memory.

thoughts of tying knots, college life and missing you

shared by May Reburiano DeGuzman, her friend from college

Dear Cindy,

I miss you. I talked about you in my classes the other day when we were reading and talking about Tuesdays with Morrie and its theme about appreciating the things and people we have in life. It has taken me a long time to speak about you because it’s still really painful to face the fact that we’re not growing old together. Only recently can I stand in front of my students in a classroom that I’ve been teaching in for the past 9 years and mention your name without crying.

The first year you were gone, I thought of you every day, and I know that my grief is miniscule as compared to your family and friends’ who have known you for so many more years than I have, but I guess it goes to show how much you mean to me.

It was only until this past year did you actually appear to me in a couple of my dreams. I remember one very vividly: we were at UCLA and I was walking around campus, and you were there wearing your cargo pants and tank top. I saw you and immediately embraced you tight. I was smiling so hard, and I told you that I’ve been missing you so much, and then you told me not to worry because you were fine. I woke up that morning feeling happy, and when I got ready for work, I felt a sense of peace.

Well, I’m a teacher now; I’m married to Paolo, and we have a 2 year old girl. I wonder what life would be like if you were here with us. You would probably be living in the Bay because your heart was always there. I can imagine you as a politician, on a school board maybe, fighting for student achievement.

I visit Cheryl now and then, and it’s funny because our eldest kids are about the same age; she has 2 kids now. Melanie is getting married next week, but unfortunately, I can’t make the wedding. We always think of you when we’re together. At my wedding, we took a four-fect picture with Bret making a C with his hand to represent you.

Some of my fondest memories with you have to do with our English classes. Every time enrollment came around, we’d consult each other so that we could take at least one class together. During lectures, you’d bring the snacks, and we’d keep each other awake to take notes. Whenever we were done with the food, you’d roll up the empty Ziplock or chip bag and tie it in a compact, neat knot.

Midterms and finals were only fun because that was our time to study, which meant we’d spend most of the time having deep conversations about life, love, and politics. We had great study groups though. I remember reading Waiting for Goddot out loud lounging in your living room when you lived in the apartment off Jasmine St in Palms.

I remember the graphic organizers you’d effortlessly create to split up class material for each study group member to fill in and then share with the rest. I remember sleeping over at your place because we’d be up late talking about where we came from and where we thought we’d be in the future.

My UCLA memories are filled with you. I remember consoling you on the brown leather couch of the SRC in Men’s Gym because you wanted to go home for Winter Break already. I remember us getting a ride from Jerry to Venice to get our belly buttons pierced. I went first, and then watched you get yours done on the lower lip of your navel because that’s just how your belly button was.

I remember going to the park to help with sign boarding for your USAC elections and us running around the playground. I remember when we made friends with the cops outside of Cheryl’s apartment during finals week. I remember us dancing to Britney Spears on the stage at Club Arcadia on Santa Monica Pier.

I remember walking with you to and from your numerous meetings to catch up on how we’ve been. We confided in each other our hopes and anxieties. We shared not only the same clothes and shoe sizes, but also the same ideals and values in life.

I admired your artistic and organizational talents, your carefree and fun-loving nature; I marveled at your ease at making and sustaining friendships with so many different people, your sense of justice and compassion. I and everyone else loved you for your pure soul and unassuming acceptance.

I still miss you, Cindy Rabuy, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop. You’ll never know how much you’ve touched our lives. I tell my students about you because I want them to appreciate and love the people around them and because you’re still a role model of selflessness and hard work in a culture that doesn’t care much about community. I wish you were here, but I know that one day we’ll be together again, and I have a feeling that you’ll have a snack ready to share.

Love always,

May

thoughts of love as an action

shared by Jonah Lalas, her friend from college

[The entry below is an article that was originally published in the UCLA Newspaper, the Daily Bruin, April 2003]

I commend the Daily Bruin’s editorial piece on the memory of Cindy Rabuy and setting her as a prime example of a student activist (Viewpoint, April 4, 2003). But I wanted to highlight another aspect of Cindy I think we can all learn from: her capacity to be loving.

 

I read a book last year by black social critic and feminist theorist bell hooks entitled “All About Love: New Visions.” Given hook’s radical history of works on race, gender, and class, I was a little skeptical to learn she’d written a book on love. Because our society is inundated with best-selling “self-help” books like “Men Are from Mars, Women Are From Venus” that merely reinforce existing assumptions about gender, I thought hooks finally sold out. I was pleasantly surprised that hook’s book is not some sort of guide, but a theory that challenges us to redefine our definition of love. Oftentimes, when we think of the word love, we think of a “feeling.” We think of that “force” between Romeo and Juliet, or that feeling we had as a child when our parents took us to Disneyland or bought us that Christmas gift we always wanted.  hooks disregards such simplicity and claims love is an action. It’s not something that you can merely “fall” into or lose control of, nor is love simply a matter of pleasing someone, or satisfying his or her desires with hugs and kisses. It is something that you do. It is a verb. It is a choice characterized by responsibility, respect, commitment, honesty, trust, mutuality and affection that leads to the spiritual growth and self-fulfillment of others. Cindy epitomizes all of these qualities.

Cindy demonstrated extreme dedication to improving the lives of individuals in many ways, but I knew her most for her involvement with the Pilipino community through SPEAR, the Samahang Pilipino Education and Retention program, that provides peer counseling and academic support to students. Her ability to listen attentively to dozens of her student’s stresses and concerns and make them a part of her life is a testimony to her loving personality. She was also a woman of conviction, a visionary who knew what she thought needed to change on campus. She did not simply follow the dominant thought of those above her, and when she witnessed something wrong, she refused to follow the herd. More importantly, if she noticed something in you that showed promise and potential to benefit the community, she did not hesitate to push you to the next level, refusing to allow your talents to go to waste. It was because of her that I got involved with various students groups and ran for certain positions, even though I did not fully have the confidence to do so. In fact, many times she probably believed in me more than I believed in myself. She was the catalyst for so many people who set off internal chain reactions that made you discover talents and magic you thought you never had.

But the one thing that I will always remember Cindy for is her ability to challenge others. She made me realize how cold-hearted I could be towards people, even those close to me. She exposed to me my narcissism. I didn't know how to listen, so when I spoke with her, the conversation always centered on me. Finally, we were talking one night last year and she opened up and started telling me some of the conflicts she was going through. And when I put down the phone, it hit me: I had known this person for a year and a half, and I knew nothing about who she really was. She makes you feel so good about yourself and provides you with so much inspiration, that you forget to ask, “So, what about you? How are you doing?” So from that point on, I made a commitment to change. 

Not only did she challenge me on my arrogance, but she also served as an example of what a loving person should be. She always talked about her loving sisters, whom she got along with so well. I remember the affection she displayed towards her friends, and the way she would talk about the people close to her. She helped me to discover that to love is also to be happy and I aspired to follow her example.

But Cindy was not a machine. She was a human being just like the rest of us who needed validation. Sometimes all of this activism, this selfless commitment to others can tire a person out. One night towards the beginning of summer, she expressed to me how unappreciated she felt and questioned whether or not all of those years of service, and countless hours of dedication to the community at the sacrifice of her grades and social life was worth it. At that moment of vulnerability, I reminded her to just look back at all of the lives she’s touched with her friendship, including mine.

We all have Cindy’s in our lives and it’s up to us not only to follow their example to become active and loving, but to start appreciating and celebrating them while they’re alive. She helped to teach me the importance of family and friendship. She inspired and believed in me. And more importantly she showed me what bell hooks could only describe in a book: love is not just a feeling, love is an action.

thoughts of being bound for greatness

shared by Emerson Lego, her friend from college

Happy Birthday Cindy!

Inside of that gentle smile, you were fearless.
While you were way ahead of your time, you were always willing to stop for a lost new friend.
You were compassionate to those in need, and challenged others to be the best they could be.

You accomplished so much in so little time, were bound for greatness, and your spirit will always be with us as a positive force in all of our lives.

When we were on SPEAR together, you taught me many things before I even knew it. I'm still discovering and learning new things you taught me as I think about those times we shared.

Thank you for everything.

Emerson

thoughts of a wonderfully random night

shared by Genessee Quizon, her friend from college

Cyn and I were working together on SPEAR at the time. It was a Friday night after a particularly emotional Samahang General Meeting which left us both feeling a bit out of sorts. We decided that we had to do something to get rid of our funky dispositions. Cyn suggested a free UCLA Volleyball game at Pauley so we started there. Then we had chicken and waffles at Roscoe's and then somehow ended up at a house party. For whatever reason, no one else was available to join us, but we ended the night, spirits raised and with new shared memories. Out of all of my undergraduate years at UCLA, that night was one of the best, if not the most memorable. Cynthia was great at not getting down on anything. She was one of the most positive people alive and could turn around any situation for the better. Thanks for the memories, Cyn.

thoughts of taking the time to say hello

shared by Jenn Guhit, her friend from college

I didn't know Cynthia that well but I know that she was a very nice and sweet person. I remember one time I was early for my SPEAR appointment and she saw me waiting by myself. She said hello and asked if I wanted to go get something to eat with her. I remember thinking how nice that was of her. That is one memory I have of her that I just wanted to share. I thought that was very nice of her to say hello. Even though I didn't know her too well, she took the time to say hi and make sure I wasn't there sitting alone without anyone to talk to.

thoughts of laughter during the car ride home

shared by Jerry Gonzales, her friend from college

There isn't a moment that sticks out in my mind, but moments. When Cyn and I were on SPEAR staff together, I got the pleasure of driving her home after our staff meeting (which was often late in the evening owing to trying to find available time amongst 15 student counselors). The day could have been the worst, most stressful day ever but somehow, I always looked forward to that commute home with Cyn to talk about our days, vent about whatever was bothering us, give praise for all the blessings that God had rained upon us, and somehow laugh and laugh about some minute thing.

Years have past since she left, but occasionally on my car rides home, I turn off the radio and I can still hear her laugh.